| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2006|11:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | in bed. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | linger - the cranberries. | ] |
personally... if it's been eight months, and you still have nothing else to talk about... get a fucking life!
and have a nice day while you're at it too :)
p.s. the mini cupcakes from d'ough are rather tasty. i suggest the pink ones, with metallic pink sprinkles. enjoy! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2006|06:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my study | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | introspective | ] |
| [ | music |
| | groove armada | ] |
i haven't written, properly written, on here in a long while. i felt particularly compelled to do so after my last media lecture of the semester, a lecture this afternoon dedicated to the subject, style and practice of blogging.
our lecturer encouraged those of us with one to write as regularly as possible, and for those without to create one as soon as humanly possible. even if it's only 'one of those narcissistic, me me me live journals'.
i in no way deny the fact that over the last... four, i think it is, years, this journal has been a place of incredibly narcissistic, self-centred, whiny, emotional and overreacting teenage angst. as far as journalistic style goes, it certainly hasn't been spectacular, and although i always try to write with at least a bit of style, those attempts have often been overtaken by the dramatised content and my emotional stage at the time of posting.
the lecturer asked those of us who keep blogs why we do it. the only student brave enough to speak up in front of the packed lecture theatre said that he uses it as an personal outlet which doubles as a communicative tool. for me, my live journal has been an incredible learning tool. it's documented pretty much every important emotional event in my life since i was fifteen. and everyone who's ever been fifteen knows that it's a pretty turbulent, emotional stage. looking back, i realise that the stuff i was going through really wasn't that bad, but we all know that at the time it feels as though every decision is life or death. i wouldn't be fifteen again for anything. however, every once in a while, it does help to read what i wrote way back then. it often brings up feelings and memories that i had locked away, things that now feel like a lifetime ago. sometimes these feel just as raw and as current as they did then. i've found, though, that the connections that can be made between events and emotions and thoughts in the past and life now. this retrospection has made me realise the true value of time as a healer, and also helped me to deal with some things that at the time i found unbearable. i'm realising that everything does happen for a reason, whether or not it can immediately be seen. things that happened when i was fifteen or sixteen that broke my heart now make sense. i'm glad of them, even. things that i couldn't even bear to think about now make me smile. i've made some valuable friends on this thing. and i've lost some. this transition period between high school and university has not been easy. i haven't written alot over the last few months for a few reasons. it's true that i do not often have an abundance of free time, with university, work, and a slight social life, however i can't use this as my only excuse. i must admit that i had forgotten how useful and ultimately important reflection can be as a process of learning and developing emotionally. i'm often an emotional wreck in person, and i have an inkling that this might in part be due to a lack of personal reflection, combined with a lack of personal writing. i'm taking a media writing class and an academic essay writing class - i can write a perfect hard news story with the inverted pyramid style, or a radio promotion script, or a professionally referenced aristolian argument... but i've forgotten how to write for me. it sounds so touchy-feely. and maybe it is incredibly narcissistic. after all, i'm not debating controvserial international politics or workplace reforms or even the environment. i'm writing about my life and my feelings and my thoughts. maybe as a professional, academic process, this is not worthwhile or fulfilling. but as a personal process, it's one of the most important there is.
i might not have a really edgy layout, or know all the ins and outs of html and formatting, or even have a nice little community of friends who tell me how attractive i am every time i post a picture of myself looking moody; i might be one of the most narcissistic people you'll find on here, but does it matter? i never, and will never, write here for any other purpose than to put my thoughts into words, to let writing play a part in my own inner processes of dealing with events in my life, to pay testament to the great things and to mourn those not so great. i'm not serving a greater purpose. some blogs do, and some bloggers believe that's the only point of keeping one. but for me, if i can come back to things i write now in three years and learn something about myself, however small, then my live journal has been useful, and my blogging has served its original, and only purpose.
in other news, i'm going to europe. aleksei and i bought plane tickets on saturday. we're leaving sydney on december 2 for st petersburg via tokyo and amsterdam, and spending the next two months travelling around to wherever we want, whenever we want. we're planning on spending christmas with merryl in besancon, and then new years eve in paris, but other than that, have all of europe at our disposal. if anyone has any suggestions on cities/sights to visit, i'd be very interested to hear.
university has almost finished for the semester, i just have a few lectures and tutes left and then exams. then four blissful weeks of holidays, although i will be trying to get as much work as possible in order to save for the trip. i think that semester has gone incredibly quickly, i'm nearly 1/8 through my degree, and i've learnt more about my subjects and life and myself than i have in a long, long time. people always say that uni is the best time of your life, and while the pressure of exams and assessments and everything else is sometimes a bit much, it's not looking too bad so far.
i don't really have anything introspective or poetic to end this with. so i won't. but it feels good to have used my journal again. i can't really say whether or not it'll become a habit - as a child and teenager i always tried to keep diaries and they never stuck. but once in a while, when life slows down a little, i might try and take a look back, and update. i hope everyone around here is happy, and if you're not, i honestly hope that sometime soon, that changes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 5th, 2005|01:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | second solution - the living end | ] |
i would like to inform the world of my latest and greatest new obsession:
leggings.
that is all. |
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| la musique... |
[Mar. 29th, 2005|09:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | video - india arie | ] |
tomorrow i will be getting up in front of a panel of music instructors at my school and performing 'strength, couyrage and wisdom' by india arie and 'winter' by my lovely and wonderful tori amos.
wish me luck!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 25th, 2005|02:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | witness - tori amos | ] |
off school sick today. this is really boring. sorry for wasting everyone's time.
WHO
who is your best friend? i wouldn't say i just have one. it makes me too dependent on the one person for too much. but i have five really really fabulous people that i know i can always count on, and that can always count on me. i have alot of really good people in my life, that makes me feel very lucky.
who do you like? my friends, family, boyfriend
who bought you the clothes your wearing? my mother.
who is at your house? at the moment just me and the pets
who loves you? my family, friends
who said hey to you today? family, louise by msg and ale by email. and the electrician
who are you talking to right now? juste moi.
WHAT
what townie do you live in? sydney
what are your pet peeves? people spreading untrue rumours and just not getting over themselves
what are you wearing? calvin klein singlet top, bonds shorts
what do your teeth look like? whiteish, fair straight
what are you doing in an hour? mum will be home so not much. talking to her maybe
what is your middle name? louise
what is your deepest secret? my fantasies. those split second feeling i can't seem to translate to reality
what are you doing tomorrow? going to my boyfriend's airforce cadet BBQ, then stuff with his mother in the afternoon, then we're going to dinner in leichhardt
what is your boy/girlfriends middle name? andreivich. don't think i spelt that right.
what is your favorite thing to do? spend time with my favourite people, or be alone and watch sex and the city or sing
what are you sitting on? dad's leather office chair
WHERE
where are you at right now? my house
where were you at at 12 noon today? in bed
where is your toothbrush at? in my bathroom upstairs, on top of the shower
where do you sleep? my bed. on the left side.
where do you live? little bay, sydney
where were you at at 7pm yesterday? in my school theatre, at a year 12 student and parent seminar
where is your boy/girl friend? at his school in the city. not sure what class.
WHEN
when was your first kiss? the holidays in between year 6 and year 7
when did you graduate? i will after the HSC... in about 9 months
when are you going to call your friend? i'll call ale this arvo. maybe louise too.
when was the last time you had a fruit smoothie? it's been a while actually. umm boost with paris and mcd on the 28th of january, before everything went wrong.
when will you say that you love me? i love you. happy? don't really know if i know what love is anymore. actually, i do. just scared to express it.
HOW
how did you know it was love? when i wanted to say it, shout it from the rooftops, had to bite my tongue. when it hurt to not say it.
how do you fix your hair? take a shower. curl it. if it's crazy it doesn't matter if it looks weird
how are the kids? the kids are in too deep. i know i was.
how often do you say i love you? when the time feels right. i say it less than i feel it. i wish i had the courage to say it more. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 2nd, 2005|10:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | autumn's monologue - FATA | ] |
Well, I have officially began year 12 (senior year to all you american lovelies) and for my majorest of all major projects (ie its worth 100% of the whole subject, which is 1/10 of my UAI lol), I'm doing a critical analysis on how modern
media and texts present female power, and whether or not it exists; if it is
simply an illusion. For the actual analysis of the essay, I'm looking at
episodes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and both the original and
appropriated Stepford Wives movies, but a huge part of the theory and
research that I am required to do to back up my own thesis is about how
society, and especially youth, is impacted upon by representations of women
in the media. So, I thought that it would be really helpful to find out what
a range of fairly normal teenagers think. I would appreciate it SOOO much if
anyone wouldn't mind reading the following questions and answering them for me... I honestly don't care what you say, just as
long as it's truthful, so that I will be able to use this as real,
informative data that is at least reasonably indicative of views of a slice
of today's youth. please be as brutal and honest as you can, and *please* take
it seriously.
All I'm aiming to get here is a general picture of what is thought of and
absorbed from the media and modern society. If you want to ask me any
questions, please go for it, and if you want to discuss anything I've
mentioned here, also feel free to do so. If you really don't want to fill it
out, then once again, that's also completely fine, but if it is at all
humanly possible, I would be so very appreciative for your thoughts, and
really interested to find out what people think... After all, my opinions
are only such a tiny slice of popular belief and I want to try and be as
accurate and relevant as possible in my findings and analysis.
So, once again, thankyou so much and try and enjoy :P
Kel
xxx
---
Gender:
Age:
1. To you, what does feminism mean?
2. Do you agree with the ideals that feminism represents?
3. How would you describe a feminist?
4. Do you consider yourself a feminist? (yes, even the guys can answer this
one!!!) Why or why not?
5. From what you know, do you consider modern feminism to be a positive or
negative thing?
6. What are your opinions of traditional gender roles (i.e. male as
breadwinner and woman as wife and mother)?
7. What do you think of women who display an open/adventurous sexuality?
8. What is your opinion of pornography and its representation of women?
9. How do you think that the media i.e. TV sitcoms, magazines, celebrities
etc, represents women?
10. Do you find feminism at all relevant to your life?
11.Do you think that women are equal to men today? Why or why not?
12. Have you or anyone that you know ever experienced a situation in which
you felt a victim of gender-based discrimination?
13. Do you believe that society is based on patriarchal foundations? How
does this affect women in society?
14. Do you think that the media and its representations is a big influence
on society?
15. Do you think that youth today faces unrealistic expectations of beauty
and behaviour from the media? How does this affect you?
16. Do you feel that youth today is adequately educated about gender
differences, discrimination and equality?
17. For the girls - do you think that you are more empowered than your
mother was at your age? Why or why not?
18. Do you think that women deserve full pay for maternity leave? The choice
of abortion as an option? Equal pay for equal work? Why or why not?
19. Do you think that it is possible for a woman to 'have it all'? Should a
woman have to sacrifice part of her life to serve another's interests?
20. What do you think of modern role models for women i.e. celebrities and
models? Are images like the publicised Madonna & Britney kiss positive for
women?
21. If you have ever viewed Buffy, do you believe that it is a feminist
show? What messages do you think it aims to send to its viewers about female
power?
22. What do you understand by the term 'Stepford wife'? What messages do you
think it sends to society about female power?
23. Finally, do you think that feminism has gotten anywhere in the recent
past, and what do you foresee for women, female power and feminism in the
future?
Thankyou VERY VERY VERY much!!! Be as honest and detailed as you can!!! :D |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2004|05:51 pm] |
so sally can wait
she knows it's too late as we're walking on by
her soul slides away
but don't look back in anger i heard you say
know i can really look back.
and i don't regret a single moment.
i thought i would. i thought i'd be angry, at such a gaspiage du temps...
but it's okay. all part of the journey.
take that look from off your face
cause you ain't ever gonna burn my heart out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 29th, 2004|01:00 pm] |
life is unpredictable.
well, im not going to get the pulitzer for that revelation, am i?
i'm just starting to make all these realisations for myself.
everything is kind of steps on this whole looooong journey. and i can't predict it. sometimes i expect things or want things, and it doesn't turn out the way i thought it would. but that isn't so bad. there are some things that are constant and that is comforting. they are the dependable things. the rest comes and goes and can be wonderful and i just want to let it be that, when it is. not more than that, and not less than that, just whatever it is.
i honestly think that things happen for a reason. i might be upset at something now, but somehow, in a few days or weeks or months or years that will be resolved somehow, it will actually mean something, have a point, be worthwhile. everything is interconnected. that doesn't make it easier or perfect or anything but knowing that i am part of something bigger makes it... somehow more acceptable.
just go with the flow and the fun, even if it's not what i'd usually do.. sometimes it pays off.
yesterday was VERY fun :D |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 30th, 2004|01:30 pm] |
does this scare anyone else??? |
|
|
| keep on singing my song. |
[Jul. 29th, 2004|07:48 pm] |
|
i just realised that you can't really change who you truly are very much,
and you can't change the way you feel.
but maybe i don't need to. it's just the way that i think about things, my mindset.
it's all in the way i perceive it. and really? life is pretty damn good. i am a very lucky girl. i have some wonderful friends who don't deserve my temporary abuse! i'm so sorry. i need to learn to let go of that little unecessary stuff and not get myself into such a state when really, nothing is wrong and i am CREATING a problem by acting and saying what i do. things are probably actually really good. thanks for not killing me.
and on a more amusing note, OMG my dad is walking around talking to the animals and the furniture and stuff going 'Bonjour. Ca va?' because i taught him a bit of french. ohhh dear what was i thinking???
oh and happy 17th birthday to Madeleine ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) sneekles for tomorrow!
over and out. xoxo |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2004|10:37 am] |
| How to make a purple_kitten |
Ingredients:
1 part friendliness
1 part ambition
3 parts empathy |
Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of wisdom |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 7th, 2004|07:51 pm] |
i guess i've re-realised it... i'm just not allowed to fall apart.
goddammit. and i was so thinking that a bit of a breakdown was on the books. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2004|06:32 pm] |
put that face away, baby, i'm melting for you.
you know how great alicia keys is? well, really really great lol. i loved her first cd to death and although the second one isn't as good, i don't think, it's growing on me.
---
You Don't Know My Name
Baby, baby, baby,
from the day I saw you,
I really, really wanted to catch your eye.
There's something special 'bout you.
I must really like you,
'cause not a lot of guys are worth my time.
Oh. Baby, baby, baby,
It's gettin' kinna crazy,
'cause you are takin' over my mind.
And it feels like
OooOoOoOoOooOooOooo...
You don't know my name.
I swear...
It feels like
OooOoOoOoOooOooOooo...
You don't know my name.
('Round and 'round and 'round we go. Will you ever know?)
Oh!
---
it's a pretty good song. and it's my life at the moment. i'm so silly. really gotta work on that.
what does it all MEAN arggggh what do you want what do i want am i ever gonna find it all nicely slotted in? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2004|01:11 pm] |
i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you
its so good to hear your voice
even though i know this probably wont work out, im waiting for something that wont happen, at least now i know you still feel it
im in paris, its incredible, words can hardly describe. im eating madeleines and shopping in printemps and drinking quick thickshakes and speaking french and i love it. part of me never wants to leave but i miss you i miss you tu me manque
so i will. more later now im wasting my internet card. email me people!!! |
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| the power of goodbye... |
[Dec. 17th, 2003|10:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | infatuation - christina aguilera | ] |
i'm feeling so much right now that i can't even depend upon my livejournal anymore.
i think it has something to do with the sudden increase in members of the community that i know outside of here.
i have no real problem with my friends handing out codes to whoever the hell they want, despite their real reasons for wanting a journal... i got over that a long time ago, seeing as though i think i pissed a few people off when i got mine more than a year ago. sure, it's become alot less special when all the entries coming up on my friends page are like 'well, he said this and this and then i ate ice cream and *yay*!!!', but it's not like that's what's really getting to me.
what i'm finding difficult to accept and even harder deal with is the fact that i feel like i can no longer write what i feel, because even though most of the people on livejournal that i know in my day to day life, all i seem to be getting are anonymous comments from some, or one of them, criticising my life or decisions or even just my entries, possibly because they're just too scared to say it to my face. i'm serious, if you're reading this and you're one of those people, just say it to my face next time, okay?
anyway, i don't think i'm gonna be using this much anymore, because i just don't feel comfortable talking about my life here... well, i don't really feel comfortable talking about my life to many people at all anyway. it's become this sad situation in which i don't post for me, it's for the others in the community, and i have to watch what i say, how i feel and how i show it - that's not what this, or any other journal is for. and although i've got some brilliant advice, and reading back over this journal occasionally helps me learn some really important things about myself, it's not worth the blatantly upsetting criticism or aggravation. i can just go to those people themselves. sorry if this sounds like a huge unnecessary whine, but i'm simply trying to get back to the real purpose of the journal, which is to write to *get my feelings out*. i really can't do that anymore because i'm constantly being forced to hold my feelings in and not express whatever it is i feel, because i don't want to create problems with anyone else.
i guess i'll keep checking my friends page once in a while, because i do actually care what's going on in their lives... i just don't feel comfortable sharing as much of my own as i used to. oh, and if you're gonna criticise this entry... save it. i don't care anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2003|07:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | music |
| | it's my life - no doubt | ] |
don't try to tell me
how to do this
don't try to tell me what's wrong with me
i already know
just **** off and leave me the hell alone :P
it's my life
okay i'm modifying this because i'm getting some interesting perspectives on it
this isn't actually directed towards anyone
just one of those random rages at the world... everything is actually pretty good right now... hope it's the same with you all too... |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|12:25 pm] |
am i meant to
feel different now? |
|
|
| wondering and worrying and thinking |
[Dec. 12th, 2003|10:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | strong enough - sheryl crow | ] |
there comes a point when you just have to stop and ask yourself -
what the hell am i doing?
where did i go... wrong?
how did i get here?
the scary thing is, i can answer these questions with absolute clarity and still find myself here, butterflies in my stomach, unsure of exactly what to do or say, torn between a million and one emotions. i feel like i'm falling far, fast, and you're my anchor, just keeping me from crashing at the bottom. so i guess my real question is -
are you gonna be strong enough to save me this time? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2003|07:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | taking over me - evanescence | ] |
well, my formal was last night
i am SO tired.
it was definitely overrated, but still pretty good, there were bits that sucked and bits that were really really good. pete looked really good, i was pretty happy with that, and we just generally had alot of fun.
the pres were quite boring, you know, all this tacky socialising and stuff. the afters were definitely fun, i got to get out of all the strange underwear and into some comfy clothes and just relax and dance like a crazy person... and then this morning was good with the ice cream...
today was a pretty fantastic day, although i was exhausted he kept me awake lol and damn i have to go to school tomorrow. im not making much sense right now... mmm.
i feel slightly weird. full, empty, crazy, sane, exhausted, awake, in love, depressed, scared, hopeful, excited, terrified... we'll see. holidays in one week. homebake in 6 days and then freedom till he leaves me. then come january 3rd im happy again. i miss him already when he's not here. i'm insane. i might come back and delete this later.
but thanks, anyway, you know you always do. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2003|08:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | overwhelmed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | you were mine - dixie chicks | ] |
two days until the formal.
i should be jumping around going crazy right now, letting the excitement take over me...
but i really couldn't care less. too much else to worry about. i really want this to be a good weekend but i've got too much else on my mind. i really didn't need to feel this way. it's just pure guilt, even though i haven't done anything wrong. it's like i have too many things to attend to and so in some way i'm skipping out on all of them and it's twisting back on me. i want each of them but not all at the same time, can't i just bracket it out for a while?
i need a holiday from this life. |
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